ASSHOLE FROM SEATTLE

to the tune of "Okie From Muskogee"
with apologies to ole Merle Haggard
 

They don't smoke tobacco in Seattle
They take all their trips in SUVs
They get all wound up on double lattes
And mow their lawns like a bunch of killer bees

They don't cook with butter in Seattle
They take all their meals at some chic mall
They think good livin's here on plastic
And rich neighbors are the biggest thrill of all

chorus:

I'm bound to be an asshole in Seattle
Livin' in a pond of yuppie scum
Surrounded by a bunch of talkin' hairdos
Whose PC bullshit really leaves me numb


You can't smoke marijuana in Seattle
Unless you're gonna die from some disease
You can't drink your Mad Dog on the sidewalk
But you can ride the bus and cut the cheese

I'm bound....

They don't like to argue in Seattle
They just call their lawyers when they're mad
It will cost you if you hurt their feelings
You might lose the job you thought you had

I'm bound...

They like pointless drive time in Seattle
Talkin' on their cellphones in a trance
Puttin' on mascara in the fast lane
Frankly, they can kindly kiss my ass

I'm bound......

 

Words and music by Joe Shmoe ©2003


 

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